Life is full of truths.

Some are soft; like love can find you quietly in the softest spaces.

Some are hard; like love can find you loudly, a fast train careening down the tracks.

Delightfully convoluted yet absurdly simple;

Love can find you slowly, silently, and build with ardor, devotion, and warmth.

That’s what it’s like to fall in love with your best friend.

When I realized I had fallen for him,

The truth came through tacitly, transparently, like looking in the mirror for the first time in a long time.

I started to count all the times he came to my mind first when I had big news,

I had a bad day, I had a good day, and everything in between.

Every time, no matter the reason, he always said the perfect thing.

He saw me when I was vulnerable, scared, and lost,

And he didn’t judge me or question me, he was just there.  

Conversations had over so many years with him have taught me so much,

About life, about love, about sobriety, about growth and change, and about the future.

He called me out on every little thing, never shirked the truth when I needed to hear it.

I didn’t always listen, and I learned the hard way: he’s usually right.

He knows me better than any other man does.

As the years passed, my subtle crush turned into something bigger,

Something that I had never experienced before.

A love that stemmed from a small seed, grew slowly, and never stopped.

An attraction that was based on so many things: his mind. His heart. His past. His dreams. His sorrow. His sense of humor. The way he didn’t take anything too seriously.

The way I felt heard when I spoke to him. His ease at making me laugh. How he always made me feel safe. How he always stayed true to himself, never needing to impress me.

He wasn’t trying to earn me, he already had me.

What he failed to see was how he made the ground shake underneath me.

The day came for the ultimate quandary:

Do I lay myself bare? Do I try to tell him how he makes me feel?

Or do I honor the friendship that I value so much?

Do I tell him that he makes me feel excited, nervous, happy, and brave, all at once?

How my heart jumps a little when I see him, like a high school girl with a crush,

But I don’t dare let it show?

Or how everything goes quiet when I’m around him?

My thoughts are easy, fluid, the abruptness of the world blunted,

And suddenly, I’m not a mess anymore.

Suddenly, I’m laughing. I’m teasing him. I’m telling him things I haven’t told anyone else.

I realize I love him when his happiness is more important than my desires.

Even when my feelings are unreciprocated, my heart would only truly break if he was ever unhappy.

Life is full of truths.

Love is not butterflies in the gut,

Love is not obsessive, controlling, prideful, or chaotic.

Love is simple, effortless, quiet. Love is easy laughter, love is safety. Sustainable love grows slowly. Love is fed by loyalty, support, and honesty. Love is quality time, and a lot of it.

That’s what it’s like to fall in love with your best friend.